these are worth 8000 words

but with inflation, it's probably a little less

Denizens of the populated parts of the globe, I send you warm wishes:

while we’re on the subject of inflation just a note that this pint of not very healthy winter strawberries was not mis-priced — I did not buy it

Today we are talking about translation. Why? Because my son is now in Prague for a semester abroad, studying film. He is very excited about his lighting class. I am very excited that he seems to have arrived with all of his luggage. It is astonishing that something so wonderful can still happen during pandemic.

But there it is: joy will ultimately break forth.

Speaking of lost things, remember that great film Lost in Translation? I just this week got a Christmas/New Years card from my college roommate who is from Japan. (I requested an ESL/ELA student for my upper class years, because I wanted to know everything about all of the whole world—ended up with lifelong friendships that span the globe.)

I don’t read Japanese, and had recently heard that Google Translate has a cool new phone app that lets you point your camera at written words and it will translate the words instantly on your screen, you just select the two languages and point.

I tried to translate the new year’s card and I have to say - I haven’t laughed so much and so delightedly for a long time. Either Japanese is a completely bizarre language or this app needs work or both—but I give you eight screenshots of the SAME TEXT and remember this is a New Year’s photo card.

Get ready. This is the original.

“I’m Going to Grave” — to GRAVE? What now?? and what is this phantom Potato??

The translation doesn’t know if it’s coming or going - yes, Japanese is read top to bottom and right to left, so that’s hard when English is usually written side to side and left to right…The app is making some decisions here. But DEATH is still not a word you normally want in your greeting cards—no?

…and then things take a turn for the completely bizarre! Still, I’ll take BREWING & BOOK & SUSHI over death any day!

OKAY…it seems the app has decided on a (very weird) translation. Wishing me potato, book, maro, and sushi. No idea what MARO is but it’s better than death.

And then all of a sudden it resolves into something that ACTUALLY sounds like a new year’s greeting! Well hey!! This app actually works!!

EXCEPT — what just happened??? Is potato book sushi another word for DEVIL in Japanese?

Hey now. This was my absolute favorite. Out of nowhere. I particularly love the insistent font.

Anyway - that’s the saga of the Japanese greeting card. If pictures are worth a thousand words, how much more are pictures of words worth?

(this is a picture of Wordsworth, no wonder he has a headache.)

Want to read more of my stuff?

Follow me on Medium. Click here and you’ll get notified whenever I post a new article. I don’t always remember to post Medium links here!

The most magical thing happened: an editor reached out to ask to reprint one of these newsletters (the one about pen names) on her HUGE baby name website. I was staggered. What’s more, she’s really nice & I get paid! I hope one or two people will buy my book based on enjoying that article. The post appears on January 24th — I’ll try to remember to post a direct link!

Teenagers have a different sense of time.

It took 48 hours, but I finally got photographic proof that the kid made it.

…the view on his street. Good morning, world!