Stay between the lines
And other lessons learned on a crazy road trip
Hey there drivers in the fast lane,
We are on the road!
(In the event that you are ever shoved out of an airplane mid-flight, know this: there are people who will help you and even some who will offer you their parachutes. You do not plummet to earth alone. )
Things I have learned so far:
Navigators are the BEST.
Helpful comments are not criticism and if taken in that vein are not annoying.
Slow does not have to be dreadful. It can also be hilarious.
Singing in the car is joyous and keeps the driver awake.
Making up song lyrics however will make you drive erratically.
If you drive erratically but have a stupid sign on the car that tells people you are a student driver they mostly don’t care. And sometimes they are helpful, like the dude in the Dunkin Donuts parking lot that kept holding his head while I tried to back out of a tight space (who was the jerk who parked me in? fess up)
There aren’t covers for the gas tank anymore, just this weird rubber lip thing that looks like Audrey II from Little Shop of Horrors.
No one is helpful at gas stations except the pump itself which is cheerful and chatty.
It is hard to see when your cruise control keeps you right behind the semi and it is raining really hard. At this point be very grateful for childhood piano lessons because it is not impossible to flick the settings on the wipers with just your pinky but you have to be able to move it independently of the other fingers which are white-knuckling the steering wheel.
Our car has a lane-assist button that shimmies your steering wheel if you drift or forget to signal a lane change. It feels like those 1950s seat buzzers that art theaters used to wire in to give you a more intense creepfest experience when attending retro film festivals. (Like The Tingler! - an outrageously weird film that I highly recommend. I saw it in “smell-o-rama” at Film Forum in the 1990s. So fun.)
Cars have a “tired driver alert” — its icon is a cup of coffee.
Cruise control is hard to set when you can’t control your speed…
And finally: Pennsylvania does not allow people with New York State Learner’s Permits to drive. Corollary: Pennsylvania is a very very long state east to west.
But we all survived and there are a lot of tired bodies in this hotel room tonight. Here’s the rundown of day one:
After waking at 5am and driving three hours to see a 10am show…
And then seeing how proud she was of her little wards…
We had four and a half more hours of driving….
In the rain….
And among the cows….
So. Day one is over.
Day TWO began with heavy fog!! Because…of course it did!
However, by the time you read this, I should be in Michigan at a crazy Lithuanian summer camp.
Though first I have to figure out where the headlights are on my car.
Truly, the amount of encouraging texts I’ve gotten has been amazing.
More candles were lit for this trip than for my last birthday.
Thanks for the love & the care & the good wishes. More next week!
WRITING NEWS
A few days ago, I wrote this essay about the life cycle of a book from magic to mundane and back again. I rather like it. (and it has already gotten 52 “applauses”) Share it if you agree with my premise!
If you are in CLEVELAND - I am going to be reading at the Walls of Books bookstore in Parma on Monday August 7th at 6:30pm. I’ve been told there are other readers, but I don’t have the publicity stuff yet. I will definitely have it by my next newsletter though I have no idea how I’ll have time (or wifi) to write it!
This is an after-hours event, and Brandi Larsen will also be reading with me (YAY! - we just featured her in our latest Literary Salon — she’s amazing and I’ve never met her in person so I’m really excited about the whole thing — not to mention the friends who are coming out of the woodwork to attend the reading!
On the horizon:
I’m super-excited to let you know I’ve been invited to read at Catherine Texier’s next Salon in her ultra bohemian (and crazy swanky) loft on the LES on Friday, September 15, at 7 PM. There will be food and wine as people start arriving and mingling, and the readings and music start at 8 PM. Invitation required. www.catherinetexier.com
Random Final Thought:
If flying cars ever did get invented/popular, that would be the end of tolls.
Drive Safe!
fantastic! the whole world awaits you!