Meditation on Survival of Self
(John Donne was wrong)
Ahoy, mateys! Hope you’ve got coffee for this one…it’s deep!
Here’s the heart of it:
Every person is an island whose core is rock that no one has ever seen.
As we age this island grows populated with lush living things and structures that seem more important than the rock that they stand on.
Eventually, we care the most about ephemeral things we call ours that are merely decorative: peonies and sloths, playgrounds and skyscrapers, pencils and Subarus. Surface things. The core is forgotten.
All this time, waves hit our shores and sometimes erode the beaches or eat away at some of the rock.
Parents and siblings are deep currents that erode your core early on, leaving you riddled with unique caves that might be lovely and might also make you unstable.
Lovers are gentle waves that you enjoy until the currents change. Over time, you discover how much of your substance has altered for better or worse.
Children are waves that thrash and crash until eventually they ebb away and you miss the lovely salt spray.
These waves can be enjoyable or terrifying and are often both at once.
Strength is knowing that waves will crash and keep crashing because that is what waves do —
This is the existence of every island.
You can’t avoid the waves. All you can do is hang together as much as possible. You will remain yourself as long as the rock that is your selfhood doesn’t entirely erode away.
Even a small, jagged point of bare rock can be repopulated and beautiful in time.
(There are birds. There are seeds and sand, carried by waves—even the most destructive ones. Sometimes, especially by the most destructive ones. That is how nature works on this planet.)
The heart of an island is rock with the power to withstand even a hurricane.
SPARKS OF ARTISTIC FIRE
I’ve decided I do more than just write. I mean, I love to write. I wrote two new short pieces while in Europe and both of them are pretty killer. I know this because three traditional journals have rejected each one already after telling me how good they are. (laughing)
Did I tell you that I returned from my creative journey overseas with three new books - two in hardcover - that ALL include my work? All poetry. The yellow one is a reprint of a collection that came out in 2020, and the blue one is actually bilingual - my poetry was translated into Lithuanian as well as published in English. Egzodika III is the third volume of writing by Lithuanian Writers of the Diaspora — they published several of my poems translated into Lithuanian.
As a little thank-you for reading this far - here’s are some of my pages from the blue collection:
Sorry I don’t have publisher information - these books were all handed to me and I was informed I could buy more of them but only in cash. I write contraband!
Okay - so the reason I changed the section of my own work from Writing to Sparks that Caught Fire is because guess what? I’ve just been cast in a play.
(me, waiting for you to digest that)
Yeah, really!! Most of you know that before I was a writer, I was an Equity and SAG/AFTRA actress. Well, I’m going to be in a show next week. It’s a staged reading by one of my all-time favorite directors who I met in a class with Anne Bogart (or possibly Robert Wilson— could have been either one first). She is Sonoko Kawahara and I have been following her career in awe since Columbia days. She invited me to be in a “nontraditional” reading on June 28th! I don’t have details yet except to tell you that the play is “Godot Came” (which, frankly I would have translated to “Godot Arrives” but no one asked me.)
In any event, I’m so excited - rehearsals are next week & paid. AND hilariously, because I am all about irony, this performance conflicts with the performance of my “Letter” which was chosen to be staged in 10 minute play format by the Your Faithful Reader people at Caveat. I can’t see my writing produced as a play because I’m acting in another play!
Abundance!
And good things come in threes….so in addition to this surprise play reading, guess what?
I’m doing TWO readings from my book this summer in Lithuanian communities! One is in the new location of the Balzekas Museum on August 7th—it’s going to be amazing. I can’t wait to see the location on the Miracle Mile! (Magnificent Mile? I can never remember which M-adjective they use!) The other reading is still in progress but I think it will happen. However, I’m not going to give up the location or date until I get confirmation. (sorry for the tease!)
I’m manifesting art this summer. Like I said in that note this week, I’m not “living my best life” - instead I’m just living my life by saying yes to pretty much everything that doesn’t hurt anyone else and amuses me. I’m so tired of checkboxes. I want to be human, among humans, for humans.
Random Final Thought
Japan has a great word, “yutori,” which means creating space in one's life to allow for relaxation, reflection, and balance. From outside I do not appear to do this. Yutori emphasizes intentional simplicity and creating room to breathe, encouraging a more relaxed and mindful approach to life and work. I hate all those words; they’re so trendy and most people I know use timers and phone apps to accomplish them: to me technology and timekeeping is not relaxed or mindful. Separation of life and work? No. I do not separate anything from my life, least of all my creative work. Life is all of it. A glorious chaos. None of this (“a relaxed, mindful approach to life and work”) is for me. And yet I both believe in and practice yutori. For example:
Your cup is full. Beautiful essay on our island self and congratulations on all the amazing achievements!
"Godot Came" 😂😂😂 I love your sense of humor.
I have a friend who's SAG-AFTRA eligible, but he hasn't joined yet and I don't know how to convince him, not being an actress myself.