Czech-mate!

multiple languages, and can we talk?

Dobry den, fellow travelers!

(this is actually an authentic reflection of the real buildings in Wenceslas Square in a KFC in Prague - if you look close you can see a bucket)

Dobry Den is not to be confused with Croatia’s Dobar Dan! We are in Prague! Land of bachelor parties and cobblestones. Land of political defenestrations and anti-defeatist self-immolations and apolitical moles. Good King Wenceslas is actual history here and Mozart liked this opera house better than the one in Vienna. By choice, he played his final concert here—though it was his Requiem so maybe he was unsettled by then…?

Did a two hour walking tour of the city of Prague today, and the guide tacked on another hour. He likes talking. It was funny to hear his acted-out ten minute version of the Jewish golem story that Issac Bashevis Singer wrote (which I’ve read as well as studied). His version was unrecognizable (but amazing to hear it beside the building from the 1200s that might still house the golem in the attic—according to our guide it could still be there, waiting to be revived again!)

might be a golem in there, might not

The Jewish quarter in Prague has some crazy stuff in it, like a twelve-layer cemetery (which I believe predated the area’s Jewish inhabitants). There’s also a trippy Kafka-inspired statue/memorial:

I’ve already told you, I love learning a couple of words in the local language when I travel and using those over and over until they feel natural. Well, my friends, the Czech Republic absolutely thwarted me. It won. Šachmat. Done. Over. Czech language wins - it is only for locals!!

But it’s hilarious to me to try anyway.

I keep telling locals that I’m trying to pick up at least one phrase and they are delighted. I tell them what phrase (thank you) and get this: there are FIVE common ways to thank people in Czech—the trouble is that everyone I’ve spoken to has espoused only ONE of these then proceeded to tell me all the other ones.

Here are five ways to say "Thank You" in Czech, ranging from informal to more formal:

1. Děkuji: This is the most common and versatile way to say "Thank you."

2. Díky: A more informal way of saying "Thank you."

3. Moc děkuji: This translates to "Thank you very much."

4. Děkuju: Another way to say "Thank you” - maybe more formal?

5. Děkuji vám: A much more formal way of saying "Thank you.”

Same goes for saying hello - there are more ways than you might imagine. And the best is that the slang you use with your friends is actually the easiest to learn— it’s just that since none of the people in Prague are my friends yet, it happens to be rude to use that level of casual language! A formal culture with an impossible language: excellent!

Plus, the Czech language has so many specific vowel sounds that non-native speakers are at a huge disadvantage. But it’s even worse when the words have NO vowels.

The young bartender was setting my absinthe on fire when I, her oldest friend, and a guy from Cleveland who is on a three month spiritual journey were talking about all of this, and she informed us with a laugh that most of the time whenever tourists try to speak even a word of Czech, it is so hard for her to make out what they are saying she just waves them off immediately.

She suggested I watch YouTube videos by Tady Gavin - turns out he’s an American from Boulder who took online classes and is fluent in Czech. Here’s him trying to disentangle a Czech tongue twister (later he tells the guys to try “soldiers’ shoulders”)

(warning: this video is entirely in Czech)

It is surprising to me that Czech is so hard to master - a lot of the words sound similar to words in Lithuanian or Croatian (after all I am fluent in Lithuanian and the Croatians I met said my accent was great) - not in Czech though!

You might be interested to know that in Prague the most common language I’ve been hearing is English. The bartender was quite surprised that I might want to know a word or two in proper Czech.

“But why?” she asked, genuinely confused. “You can’t use it anywhere but here.”

She’s clearly unaware of the hold her city has on people. I’m definitely hoping to come back one day.

for my birthday tomorrow, I’m having dinner at the top of some tower that looks exactly like this after a two-hour sauna/spa experience (you get to be entirely alone in the sauna - they give you the key)

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Writing News:

Have written a few small stories. Weird ones. Need to send them out.

Tomorrow I’m planning to go to the Kafka museum. Though I will probably start with Kafka’s head, which is its own tourist site.

Last month’s salons playback is live.

Reminder that if you’re in the mood for a theater piece, I wrote a 5 minute letter/monologue. It will be performed off-Broadway June 28. Tickets are on sale - there’s a discount code: WRITER25 Link is below:

https://www.caveat.nyc/events/your-faithful-reader-5-24-2025

This will be my second piece to be performed on an NYC stage!

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Random Final Thought

What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever had as a bar snack?

These little yummies are peanut-dusted Cheeto puffs (and yes, that’s absinthe sugar macerating in the background).

In addition to the bar snacks (and absinthe getting prepped) I learned that Wenceslas isn't dead, he's just a spirit on this horse. When the world gets bad enough for it to make a difference, he's going to jump off his horse and help.

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